I scoured forums for ideas and eventually I settled on picking up a few pairs of panties for him. We got together, played a few awkward scenes in between enjoying regular “vanilla” intimacy and I never did whip out the panties. I got home, stuck them in my lingerie drawer, and pretty much forgot about them.
Years later (about a month ago), when Mr. Elle mentioned that he was having trouble holding his tongue, he received this suggestion from an anonymous commenter:
Ms. Elle should have you wear nice lace panties while in public. You might be able to get away without acting submissive, but you should not get away without feeling submissive.Mr. Elle was less than enthusiastic about the idea, but many other commenters weighed in on the topic:
It just feels good. If there were clothes made for men using such light and smooth materials, I'd wear them instead, but since there are none, I also wear clothes originally made for women. I don't feel even a little bit submissive when wearing them.
Mrs.Anonymous has found that I'm more compliant when wearing them. Some people talk about triggers, and pushing submissive buttons. For me, this is like a button that gets pushed and held down for as long as I'm wearing them. I think it's similar to the effect subservient-husband describes with long-term chastity: maximum effect and minimum work for her.and referred us to Kathy’s wisdom on Femdom101:
Seeing a grown man in panties is not something that I care about. The reason panties are tolerated, as well as being required attire is that men like John are easier to control when the male ego is kept in check. What I have found is that panties have a way do doing just that.Why exactly this is the case is a question raised by J and apparently unwittingly answered by my own efforts to stay in a dominant mindset:
- Kathy, quoted from from Femdom101
there seems to be wide agreement that a man in panties is more compliant. That's easy enough to observe, but harder to explain. However, I think you may have hit the nail on the head--wearing panties is doing SOMETHING to keep him in 'sub mode'There's a tendency in the community to ascribe "magical compliance powers" to panty-wearing (and likewise to prolonged chastity). I don't think this is the case at all, but that both panties and chastity are perpetual reminders of something that one is wearing or doing because their will is subordinate to the will of their partner. Like refusing to say "please" and "thank you" helped me remain in a dominant mindset, perhaps a constant low-level submission like panty-wearing helps a man maintain his submissive mindset.
Of course, Mr. Elle and I have spoken on the topic, and he is not interested in wearing panties because he thinks it would be emasculating. This means that, unlike those in the same camp as René, he is likely to feel submissive when wearing them. His resistance is not a relevant factor, except that the more resistant he is the more powerful the experience of submitting can be. It is likely I could use panties to induce a consistent feeling of submission.
The remaining (and only) relevant factor is my own choice on how to manage our relationship. I am fully aware that panties are an excellent tool in my arsenal, and Mr. Elle is fully aware that I have this tool at my disposal. I have three lovely pairs of panties, that may or may not be his size (they're too large for me though), and I’m not sure if or when I will use them but I know that there’s no need to rush.